Monday, November 13, 2006

The blind leading the sighted

So, I've decided it's time to start up a business. I think I'll set up a playground equipment business...one where we envision and design the playgrounds, develop them for different parks and schools, set them up at the different locations, and then maintain them.

I know a little bit about business in general (I've worked for businesses after all). Plus I've played on playgrounds before...so this should be a piece of cake.

I'm going to hire myself a team of architects, engineers, designers, foremen and contractors to get the system underway.

I'll set up initial contacts with some schools and park departments and then hire some managers and sales teams to keep the ball rolling.

Then, I'll stick my nose into everyone's work and make sure they're doing it right.

First, I'll make sure my sales team and managers bend to every whim of our clients and never tell them no...whether it be about some cool new design they'd like to see implemented, or about the timeframe for completing the project. After all, if they want a space themed playground and they need it open and running within two weeks because that's when they're planning their party, that's what we have to do.

Second, I'll be sure that my designers don't get any chance to interact with the school/park designers too much...because they could just end up throwing artistic differences around and not get any work done.

Third, I'll jump in and reprioritize my engineers, architects and contractors any time I notice something close to me that seems to be more visible....after all, why should they start with a foundation or supports...those aren't where the kids will be playing. They need to work on the upper deck and the slides...that's where the real thrill will be.

Fourth, I'll make sure we're building at least 10-12 playgrounds (all with varying designs and depth) simultaneously for outrageous sums of money. I'll also be sure that we only put forth any real worthwhile effort on the prestigious schools that are paying us even more money...and the school I went to as a kid of course (even though it's not paying us hardly anything).

Fifth, when we deliver playgrounds that seem to be a bit unsturdy or missing some of the design we talked about, I'll have my managers and sales force make up some ridiculous excuse about the economy forcing us to cut corners on steel or something like that. That way, we can buy a few extra days to put on some "band-aid" fixes on the broken things.

Sixth, I'll sit back and watch the money come in and proclaim myself the best in the industry.

Seventh, I'll pretend to listen to the feedback of the "experts" I've hired...they think they know so much just because they've built lots of playgrounds before. Hah...I'll succeed in building ten times as many playgrounds in less time than they built one...what do they know? I'm the boss.

Finally...I'll retire, knowing I've built the best software development playground business ever. Anybody want me to build a playground for them?

2 comments:

RemohDad said...

Wow, I sure hope that your manager doesn't find out about this post.

You'll be history for sure!

Kevin said...

Dude! Seriously. Dude!
How in the world did you know what it was like working at my company?